political hard times.

i haven’t looked outside my bedroom window
in quite some time…
I missed you trees.
I tie a beautiful knot with my chiffon curtains.

yesterday evening, i took a nap.
lately, i like to sleep,
shut me out
of society.
I’m tired. Every angle has me exhausted…
(break)

rem., level six.

“hey n….”

outside my bedroom window
while i sleep.
so casually, as if they own the word.
I’m triggered.
every time I sleep,
I wake to their voices
and the word

please pay attention.

I’m triggered in rem level six.

(break)

the word has a certain strength and connotation for me when spoken by non blacks,

my grandparents helped raise me
they were elderly, and from Jackson, Mississippi.
I remember their stories…emotional contagion.
the current political moments of history
trigger me. i can barely stand to watch the news.

I miss you, all of you.
my grandparents are creole, thus we’re creole decent.
my grandpa Norman, who I miss so much, had light complexion with colored eyes. He was a Black man with a different Black experience than grandma. He gave me dollars behind daddy’s back. I bought us (dad, grandpa, and i) candy. Little did he know, daddy gave me candy allowance too. galore and some cavities. Daddy and I love to eat sour candy together. Hm, actually, my best memories with daddy and grandpa are eating sweets.

grandpa Norman gave little she the best hugs and kisses.
He spoiled me.
grandma Virgie, was a chocolate Queen, curvy and extravagant. Strict woman, but most men or women with dark complexion are because their world is usually much more difficult than mine, or ours. I witnessed it with grandma Virgie. She owned several wigs, and beautiful jewelry too. She was poise, and she taught me how to sit and eat like a young woman, a lady, too.

Hasn’t worked out. I code switch to my tom boy ways. Yeah, sometimes I talk, act, and sit like a dude. I use to get in trouble for saying ‘yeah’ too…

She brushed my hair with jojoba oil on her stoop. Cooked greens, and turkey neck, with pies and cakes. Jackson Mississippi style.
Together we watered our garden. I was allergic to her cat.
I danced for my grandparents
their little performer
i was so happy too.
my grandparents love me,
i miss their love too.

as a biracial child, I experienced very interesting perspective.
I carry much of mine and their racial traumas.
I’m a young mixed girl who rarely looks black to some black individuals
this especially true
when I’m in the presence of a
beautiful dark Queen

my grandma Virgie and I
were an interesting pair
to others
when out and about
life altered
for both of us.
when we were together.

my mom said I remind her of my grandma Virgie sometimes,
she said my fingers are just like hers.
I wish to be like grandma Virgie
*twirls*
pause.
I’m sorry. I can’t do this..

is it my demeanor or speech?

part of my blood line travels from Jackson Mississippi

I’m a young woman of color (irritated). please. don’t profile naïve she’s.

(return)

rem., level six.

It’s July 3rd. Tomorrow is July 4th.
from my sleep, I exit my apartment

i’m going to teach a
humble lesson or two
because i’m oppressed and i’m bruised
and you have no clue,
the word is derogatory when it comes from the lips of you. Especially in political moments when this “president” is … you know who.

it’s exclusive,
& you don’t have a clue
who it does or doesn’t belong
to.

mute.

goodnight

(break)

I missed you trees.
I tie a beautiful knot with my chiffon curtains.
yesterday evening, i took a nap.
yesterday, I was in rem, level six.

Happy Fourth.

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