Dance and I always have a very in depth, emotional, and complicated relationship. I was in dire need of emotional maturity with something I become so passionate about.
I was happy inside studios, learning choreography, and being inspired by mentors, choreographers, peers, etc. I wanted to pursue my dreams, and have greatness too, but I suppose we each have different connotation with words. At nineteen, I was small inside large studios filled with “Hollywood” and “LA” dreams. I felt complex in these rooms filled with fierceness and confidence in who one is. I’m from LA. They travel to LA. Yet, I’m lost in the city I call home. How can the dancers around me be so sure of who they are? How do they dance with out fear to demonstrate self? Something in me was missing, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t equipped with the tools to know who I was. Forever seeking safe havens. She said I’m transient. Dance was no longer home.
Dance tends to phase in and out of my life; a long lost, but cherished lover I don’t say “no” to. I focus on academics to discover answers that pertain to questions of society and self. Academia has become home and a supplement to the mesh of my creations; however, I’m frequently conflicted with how to prioritize art and education.
Dance slowly started to call again last year. I was shy and scared considering I’d stepped away from my passion for about 3 or so years. I went to my first rehearsal on campus with new mentors and friends. I was nurtured, and surrounded with the community I needed to make me feel worthy. We are all worthy to express ourselves how ever we wish. “We’re dancers, and we’re avant-garde” said a friend. In that moment I fell in love deeply again. I looked at dance as a true art form. Mesmerized. I experimented. I was loosing my mind with my load, but my body itched for movement. During homework breaks I’d play music and freestyle dance in my bedroom. I captured the most vulnerable moments of me. I thought of these clips as my dance journals. I thought, “Who knows how long I’ll create in this time and space“. I work with what I have to authentically release me, and be the performer I once wanted to be. I’m on a wave length discovering and connecting. I’m attempting to honor my abilities with a fusion of new and old me. Legends and new talent are inspiring me. It’s the start of an era~
Dance: The fusion of Eras and She.